Body Image, Joscelyn Corporan (28 y/o) Testimonial

I wasn’t always a confident person. Even though I have always considered myself beautiful, my self esteem would fluctuate. In the past, I always found ways to undermine my value and the space I take up -- I wanted to blend in as the pressure of standing out intimidated me. A lot of my behavior was inherited from years of emotional, mental, and verbal abuse at the hands of my caretaker. She would come home after being stressed at work and take out a lot of her frustrations on me like calling me a “fat bitch” repeatedly if spoke out against her behavior. I was also bullied by my classmates in school because of my weight or not having the latest trendy clothing.

I turned to food as a source of comfort and as a result gained a lot more weight. I wasn’t able to develop my own personal style in clothing as my mother would say she knew best and would buy clothes. They were always a lot bigger than my actual body and that put a lot of social anxiety on me. Boys in my grade had no problem being my friend but would publicly voice to one another that I was too heavy to be attractive. Instead of embracing my femininity, I would run from it by deflecting compliments from my female friends or avoiding the male gaze.

These actions shaped the way I formed relationships, and as a result, I struggled for years to have healthy relationships. I kept telling myself I didn’t want to suffer anymore, and that only real solution to victimizing myself was to make a change. I started reading more books that began my spiritual awakening. Books like “A Return to Love” by Marianne Williamson and “The Alchemist” by Paul Coehelo really started to shape my perception of self and the active parts I play on my own healing.

I broke through toxic cycles that were being fed by my own fears and insecurities by taking risks. I enrolled in and graduated from esthetics school, left a string of jobs that didn’t make me happy, and decided that I would pour into myself before I could share a relationship with someone else. By making those decisions, the confidence I had in myself soared and I was able to have many doors open in front of me.

Now a practicing esthetician, I get the opportunity to help women who were just like me build that same confidence to excel on their life paths and I couldn’t be more thrilled. There is so much beauty in growth and development that if we focus too much on the struggle, we lose the opportunity to learn from those experience.